015: Ur'gh! I've got Vermeer all down my shirt...

Obligatory to a Toronto summer, or any summer really is the backyard brunch. Not the strictest of events, it doesn't require breakfasty food or even to be before lunch. We just like having bruncheons because it sounds cute albeit poncey.

Here is Christina bearing a platter of meat I could not deign to sink my ballin, perfect teeth into. She looks a bit like a meat-wench. I'm sure that's a legitimate fantasy for a lot of bros out there.


Instead, I had a cold one...


Get TRASHED!


Brunchers


As a substitue, I had this veg burger with a healthy shmeer of BBQ sauz.
... unfortch, there were some indwelling onions. I had to fish them out out of fear of death.


Well I think Utrillo's brushwork is fantastic... But he doesn't always agree with me... Not after a Rubens, anyway... all those cherries


Watteau, dear?

That night was good times. I got crizzunk, lost a lot of money, vomited in public, sent disturbing text messages to people and was put in a cab by my dear friend.


Oh and just to shake things up:


Yes take my word for it, Marge. Kevin's eaten most of the early nineteenth-century British landscape artists, and I've learnt not to worry.

014: Ottawa Senate-whores

Comrades, I know you missed my prose, but I've been lounging in the nation's capital, drinking cold brews with Mr. Speaker.


Really, the darkest hour of summer two-thousand and great was spent hugging good friends, doing cartwheels, telling jokes, swimming in quarries and watching movies. I had a fantastic time and it was well worth putting my life with Via Rail for 4 hours.

Playing with animals, biking and all other tomfoolery aside, we even had time to eat a couple meals. The following pictures are a bit of an incoherent melange, stylistically and foodifically.

The morning after I arrived, we breakfasted at French-Canadian institution Cora's. As we were in Gatineau and I was delusional with hunger, I accidentally placed an order for this, assuming it was just a spinach omlette. It rang the doorbell, dressed in crepe robes. I said wtf but let it in and subtly slid slices onto the plates of my friends.


Mon ami D got this plate of meat and such. I'm off meat, so I thieved no bacon.


Saw this in Quebecois Loblaws and giggled a bit. It's prob the most effective way Kraft can sell to separatists, says Yves in the marketing department.


En retour, my host D and I cooked up a simple but satisfying dinner. It involved yellow zuccs..


And other random shit; vodka sauce with salmon, herbs and heaps of garlic on top of asparagus tortellini. Weird, eh? Also, Hoegaarden may appear to be for medieval lightweights but its the ideal summer beer.


Another morning, the boys decided to make crepes of their own.



hi, super fattening breakfast. there was enough batter left to fill 5 consecutive seasons of COPS, so it was refrigerated and reincarnated every morning after that.

Later, there was a delish trout with scallops, enjoyed al fresco.

Monday, at D's house (they're both called D. you should've figured it out already) in Stitsville, we filmed an episode of Cribs in his designer pad and then cooked up some perogies and nachos.



The day after that, other D's dad took us to lunch in Aylmer. He was even sweet enough to get half of this pizza without meat.


Wait. This pizza looks exactly like the nachos. Omgggg embarassment.


Someone pulled the wool over my eyes. Even this shithead on Parliament Hill is in agreeance.


Anyway, I made it back alive and Laureen Harper has promised to keep in touch. Meanwhile, I'd like nothing more than to nom the hell out of this beautiful creation.

013.5: O Hai pt. 2

On the road again, goin places that I've [already] been. Sooo much ethanol, eh?


We stopped at some freakshow called Flying J for lunch. it had a buffet. we saw a man get up 5 times for more of this fried chicken, prompting the Dorises to refill the metal tray for him. I'm more of a mac n chz girl myself.


This was apparently my "fish sandwich". I'm just in denial.


Stopped by Krogers (pretty much Dominion) for Coronas and saw some folk art in support of Yank athletes. Brought to you by COKE!


I personally was digging the Little Debbie Snack Centre. It took up a whole aisle. This is just where the official signage was.


Went to my uncle's house for my grandmother's birthday drunch(?). linner(?). Check out the healthy spread. Nary a dish in the house boycotted neon yellow chz.


Fucking massive tomato. How do they do it? GMOs are crrraaaaazy.


Everyone was so proud of what they'd cooked, I felt obligated to sample a bit of everything. Man, I miss salad.


Everyone engaged in a game of "Cornhole". Apparently it was invented in Greenup County and involves patriotic sacks filled with corn which you drunkenly toss into holes. They're so damn proud of this new fangled sport, oblivious to the fact that the rest of the world calls it "beanbag toss" and it's usually relegated to the rear of country fairs.


Seeing an ad for these on TV during the Olympics, a relative of mine let out a masturbatory groan and whispered "unhhh that looks good."

Jesus Christ.

013: O Hai pt. 1

I have news that have shocked many frenz of mine: I quit meat.
Now, I'm not the typical animal-saving vegetarian. I love animals, yes. I h8 on Peta a lot. This may not even last too long. However, I went on a wee trip to Ohio recently that has really put me off carnivery (hoping that's a word...). Here are the events leading up to my change of heart:

Had dinner in Erie, Pennsylvania at Quaker Steak & Lube. Yes, the name freaked me out.





I GOT CARDED. LOL

I like that they have the Morton Salt Girl in the States. and ancient looking cream of wheat


Breakfast at the Bob Evans in Mentor, Ohio. I must have ordered the smallest portion in all of'Murrica.


"Giga Jerky"? Why ohh why.

This is where I hope to have my wedding reception on day:

Yay, custard!

012: You can't come home again. Each time it's different.

Starting now, you may find my posts a bit themeless, exultance of my European vaca wearing off. My first meal back in Canada was the Cthulhu Dawn one.

I still had some behemoth cravings for Asian food, so my buddy Ayesha and I hit up Salad King. I had just spent 4 phone-bills worth on a pair of jeans, so the added chilies seemed like decent punishment.

Ayesha with her curry


I really dig noodles in soups. and shrimp.



Just so this post makes less sense, here is a typical lazy@home lunch for me. Montreal bagel courtesy of my neighbours, some grilled zucchini, avocado, melty chz on it and a lemon tea for my Czech-cough. not Chekhov.


I'm really embarassed posting cooking photos (as opposed to food I pay for?) because of all the accomplished chefs reading this, but here's a wee meal Steph and I made.
More shrimp... do you see a theme?


Sup really beautiful grilled and herbed shrimp.


Oh hai, fairly ugly sauce.


And the finale



This is pitiful. Where should I go on vacation next?!